Crises always reveal character.
– O. Chambers
*updated 12.23.22 | photo credit: adam dempsey
Texas is known for oil. In the coastal port town of Corpus Christi where we had just moved back in 2008, the particular focus there was importing crude oil, refining it into gas, and exporting the final product.
It was on the outskirts of town that the sprawling refinery plants with their tall towers, billowing with white smoke – some with flames flaring off the top, greeted the constant flow of highway travelers coming into town. At night, the maze of pipelines with protruding spires were dotted with hundreds of lights like a permanent Christmas display. Back then, seeing the lights in the distance when approaching the city would let me know I was almost home.
In just about every instance, fire or heat is the catalyst used to refine and purify a raw material into something more usable and pure. Many times, the raw material and/or extracts from the process become more valuable.
Crude oil is no different when it comes to this process.
Although the Oswald Chambers quote above brings to mind oil refineries and Texas, this post isn’t anything about that. For this entry I’d like to share a moment of refining that I once experienced while in Texas.
A Godpossible situation
We had barely moved into our Padre Island home in October when providentially, God had opened some doors that led to a new job as CAD Drafter/Project Mgr for a local commercial casework manufacturing company. I was to start just before Christmas.
The circumstances that brought us to Texas is another story altogether. But understand that we knew exactly zero people in our new city, and after a career spanning 14+ years with Southwest Airlines, I had not worked in the architectural/construction industry since 1993. So the odds of me landing that job were ‘Godpossible’, a term I’ve come to apply to situations that were only possible because of God.
It was obvious that He was demonstrating His presence and involvement in our lives as we continued stepping out in faith. Letting us know, that He knows.
A different kind of fire
Initially, I had been hired to integrate a certain CAD/CAM (computer aided drafting/computer aided manufacturing) program that the company had purchased, with 2 CNC machines used heavily out in the shop. But weeks after my orientation, the company found itself overwhelmed by the work it had taken on, so I was made a ‘Project Manager’ – meaning, I was now the proud parent of 2-3 projects with high urgency.
My job now was to take the cabinet drawings from the architectural plans of each project, create CAD shop drawings used to fabricate the casework, and make sure they were built right and delivered on time. Oh yeah, I was also expected to remain in communication with the client’s General Contractor regarding the project’s status.
If you’re familiar with the term ‘getting thrown into the fire‘ or ‘trial by fire‘ then you know the type of high pressure learning environment I was subjected to.
A dilemma smolders
In the following months, time just seemed to blow past because it felt like I was chasing my tail most of the days. But just before reaching my 1st year milestone with the company, the realization that something troubling me had begun to make its way to the surface.
As with most construction projects, things tend to go over budget and past deadlines. Our company was no different. When stretched beyond capabilities, desperation relied on dishonesty to make it through the day, week, and sometimes month.
At first, the executive leadership took it upon themselves to smooth things over with less than happy clients growing impatient with our struggle to deliver as promised. But I must say, they were very adept at regaining confidence, keeping the brand polished, and retaining customers.
Still, a sense of discontent within began to smolder at the quiet understanding that this was ‘how business is done’. But I was often able to get past that since I felt ok about not being blatantly dishonest. So I continued to give my best under the circumstances, and the leadership seemed to express their confidence in my growth by progressively giving me more responsibilities.
This, however, would ultimately lead to the spark that lit a short, yet fiery crisis I went through in the company parking lot one day. A flare-up that would leave its mark on me to this day.
Before continuing on, let’s look at a passage that is so relevant to this topic of refinement…
1 Peter 1:6-7 NIV In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.
It only takes a spark
The added trust and responsibility led me to more direct involvement in putting out the little fires popping up in my projects. Subsequently, I found myself developing a creative method of diplomacy. Sure I refused to lie, but what I was doing was skillfully navigating the grey road.
The conviction that this was wrong grew stronger as my internal conversations with God grew longer and more intense. Finally, early one morning before sunrise as I met with God, a clear message flashed across my mind…
“The owner will be in the office today. You need to tell him you will not lie for the company”
Then the mic dropped. Or something. All I knew was that the conversation was over and now it was up to me to follow through or not. At issue was the question: “Do I trust God to preserve the job He gave me – or even provide another one if I lose this position?” Or “was I too afraid to lose my job and couldn’t afford to jeopardize it any cost?”
Parking lot refinery
To say I was severely distracted that day is an understatement. But 5pm showed up waaay too fast and before I knew it, time was up.
I waited until everyone else in the office had left, grabbed my stuff and headed to the owner’s office for a ‘quick chat on the way out’. To my dismay, I spied the company’s other 2 partners meeting with the owner in his office. Great – now what?!
Well, now is the part where the crucible gets shoved into the furnace.
Proverbs 17:3 ESV The crucible is for silver, and the furnace is for gold, and the LORD tests hearts.
The next 30 minutes or so was nothing short of an intense spiritual battle between me and my flesh. I decided to head out to my car and go home. After all,
“I didn’t want to be rude and interrupt such an important gathering. Besides, I can just send the owner a text message or email him when I got home. What’s important is that he gets the message.”
Out in the parking lot sitting in my car, that still, firm voice in my head was once again crystal clear…
“You need to go in and talk to him. Today. Now.”
I’ll never forget it. I walked back to the building entrance – then back to my SUV at least 3x. Rationalizing, reasoning, yet knowing that this was a critical moment in my spiritual walk I wouldn’t get back once it passed.
Finally, I calmly and probably over-dramatically resolved in my mind like Esther that “If I perish, I perish”. Then in I went.
It’s easier the 2nd time
To my relief, the conversation went really well! All who were present were emphatic that no, I shouldn’t lie, and my integrity is commendable, besides – that’s not how we do things here… and so on.
I couldn’t praise God and thank Him enough!
Sadly, not much longer after that moment, the day came when a client’s General Contractor was on the phone asking for his delivery. I had done my part for the project, but knew for a fact that the materials were ordered late and had not even arrived. There was no avoiding this one.
Under pressure and in a bind, my supervisor couldn’t see any alternative solution that didn’t involve a degree of dishonesty. But we both knew where I stood on this and not once did I even hint at wavering.
That fear was no longer a factor.
Laying a solid foundation
Proverbs 10:9 NIV Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out.
It was clear then that I would need to find a new source of income soon. And again, God provided a way – a much better way forward.
From that day on, any fear of losing a job as a result of obeying God or doing the right thing and standing for my convictions, has greatly diminished. Oh, that’s not to say I don’t struggle with discernment or timing of a decision every now and then. But fearing man over God when my livelihood is on the line is not a battleground I’ve had to revisit since.
Raising a monument
After recalling this significant point on the timeline of my life, two things occur to me:
- There’s 2 sides to Chamber’s quote. Yes, crisis is a refining moment that reveals our character. But on the flip side – the crisis also reveals God’s character.
- In scripture, significant events were sometimes memorialized with an altar so it would not be forgotten. Why not today?
When Jacob wrestled with God in Bethel, just before meeting Esau, God later told him to build an altar there (Gen 35:1-7).
We may not be in the habit of building physical altars to remind us of God’s loving and faithful character refining ours during times of crisis. But we can certainly leave digital monuments.
Consider this monument raised.