In Peter Jackson’s epic film adaptation of Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings, there is a scene in the mines of Moria where Frodo & Gandalf discuss the weight of responsibility and feelings of regret that Frodo now suffers as bearer of The One ring – a position and title that he reluctantly, yet willingly volunteered to take upon himself when his uncle Bilbo went missing, leaving his estate, including the ring to him.
“Frodo: I wish the Ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.
J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.”
Later, Frodo recalls that same conversation in his mind while standing at the water’s edge, having firmly decided to leave the fellowship and set out on his own to accomplish the impossible task to which he is committed.
I never asked for this.
I’m reminded of this scene while reading Numbers 11 about Moses in the desert dealing with a discontented rabble, grumbling about not having any meat. This despite God’s provision of daily manna from Heaven.
Recall that Moses had initially argued against and resisted God’s call for him as the one chosen to lead the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt. But once he committed, Moses had proven himself faithful and trustworthy to the mission.
And similar to Frodo’s Samwise Gamgee, God gave Aaron (Moses’ brother) to come alongside Moses during this massive assignment. Later in Exodus 18, we’ll see Moses’ father-in-law Jethro also contribute to Moses’ success with some sound advice about distributed responsibility to share the load.
This concept of sharing the burden is echoed once again as a suicidal Moses finds himself at the end of his rope with Israel.
In no uncertain terms, he reminds God that this was His idea. That he never wanted this job and was only doing his best to please God by honoring & obeying God’s will and command for his life. In fact, he was better off dead.
Numbers 11:11-15 NIV He asked the LORD, "Why have you brought this trouble on your servant? What have I done to displease you that you put the burden of all these people on me? [12] Did I conceive all these people? Did I give them birth? Why do you tell me to carry them in my arms, as a nurse carries an infant, to the land you promised on oath to their ancestors? [13] Where can I get meat for all these people? They keep wailing to me, 'Give us meat to eat!' [14] I cannot carry all these people by myself; the burden is too heavy for me. [15] If this is how you are going to treat me, please go ahead and kill me-if I have found favor in your eyes-and do not let me face my own ruin."
Now granted, He did not say he wanted to take his own life. But the point is clear. In his mind, death was the favorable option, rather than continue on under the current circumstances. Moses had had enough.
Better off dead?
I was having a conversation the other day with a friend who reluctantly, yet candidly shared that he once had a suicidal thought as a teenager. But then he quickly reassured me that it was only fleeting and that he never seriously intended to follow through with any action. In other words, he was expressing ‘please don’t have an intervention with me – I’m not going to kill myself!’
At that moment, it suddenly struck me as odd that there’s such a stigma around admitting that sometimes we get overwhelmed with our circumstances or situations and look for ways of escape. In our humanity, it’s not unusual to consider death, whether momentarily or longer, as a possible solution. And as believers who place our hope in Christ, who (should) view death as merely a gateway to eternal pleasure & joy – why wouldn’t that be a possible consideration?
In fact, the Apostle Paul wrestled with this sentiment himself…
Philippians 1:19-23 NIV …for I know that through your prayers and God's provision of the Spirit of Jesus Christ what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance. [20] I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. [21] For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. [22] If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! [23] I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far;
In essence, he’s saying the same thing Moses is telling God – “Take me home already! I’d rather be there with You, God, than here on earth!”
Is Paul suicidal? No. Not at all. He’s just struggling with his situation.
A quote that is attributed to Martin Luther says…“You cannot keep birds from flying over your head, but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair”
“You cannot keep birds from flying over your head
-Martin Luther
but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair”
Like all human beings, I believe each of us can get to the end of our rope at times and feel overwhelmed to the point that we consider death a solution, or more honestly – an escape. For the vast majority of us, it’s simply a thought that pops into our head in the process of thinking.
But it’s important to think biblically about trials. 1 Corinthians 10:31 says that “with the temptation, He provides a way out so that we can endure it”. Sometimes, the way out that God provides, is You or me. Let’s also look at Paul’s conclusion…
Philippians 1:24-26 “ …but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. [25] Convinced of this, I know that I will remain, and I will continue with all of you for your progress and joy in the faith, [26] so that through my being with you again your boasting in Christ Jesus will abound on account of me.
He realizes and affirms that he remains alive for a purpose. And that purpose is others.
That’s no small statement. Stop and think of the ramifications of what he resolves in his mind. That life only has true meaning & purpose when lived in community for God – and others.
Which brings us to another critical truth and encouraging aspect of life: We’re not meant to go it alone.
Never alone.
Even from the beginning in Eden, God repeatedly said of His creation, “and it was good”. Except for one thing:
Genesis 2:18 NIV The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
This is where so many, including myself in the past, work themselves into prideful isolation. We might recognize it by another name: Independence. Being alone, or feeling lonely, is almost always a choice and requires intentional effort to withdraw oneself away from people. To push them away or keep them at arm’s length. People who want to help. People who love and care.
But the Owner’s Manual says that is not good. David needs Jonathan. Moses needs Aaron or Joshua. Adam needs Eve. In Pilgrim’s Progress, Christian needs Faithful & Hopeful. Frodo says he couldn’t do without Sam. Even Jesus on earth had Peter, James, John, and the rest of the 12. In our age we have each other, the church.
And now, here in the desert with a million people, God answers Moses’ question by giving him – wait for it – more people to help share his load….
Numbers 11:16-17 NIV The LORD said to Moses: "Bring me seventy of Israel's elders who are known to you as leaders and officials among the people. Have them come to the tent of meeting, that they may stand there with you. [17] I will come down and speak with you there, and I will take some of the power of the Spirit that is on you and put it on them. They will share the burden of the people with you so that you will not have to carry it alone.
So when – not if – we find ourselves overwhelmed to the point of being crushed, remember that we are not abandoned. We have each other. As believers, we’re never alone as The Holy Spirit of Jesus is always with us.
2 Corinthians 4:7-9,16-18 NIV But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
According to Dr. Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, “Interdependence” is the highest level of maturity and critical to Habit #4: Think Win-Win. Of interdependence he says,
“You choose to combine your talents with those of others, creating something greater as a result. You say, together we can do it; we’re better off together than alone; let’s figure out what’s best for both of us.”
Stay together. Don’t give up.
To the extent that we are able to, let’s always choose to help each other and carry one another’s burdens. Let’s strive to be more unified and loving, for in doing so, we will demonstrate that we belong to Christ (John 15).
Galatians 6:2 NIV Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.